Dear aging people, here are my rules for recounting stories to avoid becoming a dreadful old bore

I have always been a lover of a good story. They are the lifeblood of pubs and bars around the world. But I have learned there is little to gain from constantly retelling the past. The past is to be remembered, personally treasured, explored from time to time and -crucially – learned from. But it is not the full story. For whoever you are, the only thing I know about you for certain is that, you are not yet dead.

My reaction to the4se people and their arsenal of tales is usually to nod politely and sort off riff of them to try to take the story in a new direction. It obviousl;y never works. But I have never given up. Even if it is just for my own amusement.

So Instead I have drafted this article about ways in which people can avoid becoming that individual. Rules for storytelling, if you like. So that if you catch yourself breaking one of the rules, you can probably bet that you are boring at least one of your audience members.

Your story has to be genuinely remarkable

Often these people tell stories which are of interest to nobody except for themselves. I found George Orwell’s detailed description of restaurant mechanics this way in Down and Out in Paris and London. What I mean is that no one cares about how your niche industry works. No one cares that Claire was always back late from lunch. These are not interesting factors of a story.

Instead consider the value of your story to someone who is not already a stakeholder. Does it have an aspect which stimulates interest automatically? Maybe a famous person or a sex scene? If it does not have something like this, is it worth remembering at all?

1. Your story has to be genuinely remarkable

Often these people tell stories which are of interest to nobody except for themselves. I found George Orwell’s detailed description of restaurant mechanics this way in Down and Out in Paris and London. What I mean is that no one cares about how your niche industry works. No one cares that Claire was always back late from lunch. These are not interesting factors of a story.

Instead consider the value of your story to someone who is not already a stakeholder. Does it have an aspect which stimulates interest automatically? Maybe a famous person or a sex scene? If it does not have something like this, is it worth remembering at all?

A good measure of story tell-ability is to question, at your funeral, would you be happy for someone to recount this tale on your behalf. If you would not, I would retire this tale quickly. The chances are, your loved ones are close to retiring you altogether.

2. It should not end with you looking like the ‘hero’

This is a common mistake that I have noted too. People often recount stories which result in them looking good. Like ‘and then I came along and sorted everything out’.

This may have been true. But it does not make for a good story. Any story about you from the past should make you look stupid somehow. Or recount a particular failure of yours. Exceptions can be made here for truly remarkable feats. Like winning an Oscar or meeting the queen. But even this should have an element of self-effacing humour to it. Like ‘I met the queen and slipped over’ or ‘I won the best actor Oscar but then had to be ushered off stage because my speech went on too long’.

But more often then not, when stories are repeatedly aggrandising in their nature, it masks a much deeper mental health issue. And I am therefore sympathetic to these people. But boing new and o0ld acquaintances with your rubbish tales isn’t the setting to best conquer this issue. You’ll most likely be greeted by a series of people nodding along until they get the chance to leave or move onto something more current.

3. It should have direction and a satisfying conclusion

Again, this one is common. People tell stories which are all over the place. Missing key details and expecting a level of knowledge which could never be realistically obtained without study.

But all stories, no matter how inconsequential the medium or context of their retelling should follow the basic principles of storytelling. I.e. they need a beginning, middle and an end. And the ending should evoke some sort of emotional reaction. This is usually humour or shock. But it has to be there to give the story any relevance whatsoever.

A good way to think of this, is to work out your shock factor and work backwards. If the story is about the time your cousin slept with your boss, work backwards. How did those characters meet first of all. Was there a spark initially? Was one of them married, which insitally makes your audience think any kind of romantic dalliance is unlikely. Layer in details as you approach the shocking conclusion.

And remember, your life is ahead of you

I have always been a lover of a good story. They are the lifeblood of pubs and bars around the world. But I have learned there is little to gain from constantly retelling the past. The past is to be remembered, personally treasured, explored from time to time and -crucially – learned from. But it is not the full story. For whoever you are, the only thing I know about you for certain is that, you are not yet dead.